


My Dearest Love

by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Biting, Bloodlust, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miztrezboo/pseuds/badjujuboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His teeth hurt. Ached really. Like this thrumming underneath the veneer that wouldn't cease. Wouldn't be calmed no matter how many pain meds he's taken, no matter how much oil of clove he's rubbed onto them. </p><p>His dreams. His dreams were strange, too. Bloody, but without violence. Just a warm, wet, thick feel to them. And red. So much red.</p><p>He should have expected it. Should have made plans, sought guidance, kept himself away but. . . .</p><p>He’d never been to good at any of those things. Especially the last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Dearest Love

**Author's Note:**

> So this came from relentlessly listening to Hozier's [In The Woods Somewhere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMk-Nb_viR8). . . It's set in America, though I'm fairly certain some britisms will pop in here and there because let's face it, I haven't written in any other world apart from Brit in YEARS so apologies.
> 
> Massive thank you's to my Sweet Potato and Boston Hoodie Pal for their eyes over this one. And to Moo who is the loudest cheerleader of them all.
> 
> Big ups to **fromward** who stepped in to beta this thing no even knowing a thing about it! Thank you and I'm keeping you forever btw x

His teeth hurt. Ached really. Like this thrumming underneath the veneer that wouldn't cease. Wouldn't be calmed no matter how many pain meds he'd taken, no matter how much oil of clove he'd rubbed onto them. 

His dreams. His dreams were strange, too. Bloody, but without violence. Just a warm, wet, thick feel to them. And red. So much red.

He should have expected it. Should have made plans, sought guidance, kept himself away but. . . .

He’d never been good at any of those things. Especially the last.

 

^.^

 

Soft. Wet. Cold. So cold. Find warmth. Find home. Home. Ice biting underfoot. Dirt and sod and _him_. Home, home, home. 

 

^.^

 

“Looks like we’ll have even more snow by tomorrow. Predicting at least another two to three feet,” Liam nodded toward the window, flurries of white falling thick and fast. Made Niall’s lips twitch, had the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He wanted to run.

“We’ll need more wood. Maybe oil for the generator, too. Lucky Harry brought up more food last week,” Liam continued, Niall pretending he didn’t wince at the sound of Harry’s name. Liam’s eyes still steadfast and firm on the landscape outside. White and white and more white falling.

Louis sighed loudly from his place in front of the fire, days like this he rarely shifted from its heat. Days like this Niall wanted to be anywhere but near it. 

“Should head down now before it gets too thick. You coming?” Liam didn’t have to look at Louis for Niall to know who he was asking. Niall hated going into town. Too many people. Too much noise. Too many scents. 

Louis didn’t move an inch apart from one brow cocked up higher than the other, blue eyes unamused at Liam’s question. 

Niall smirked a bit to himself, ducking down to hide it under the blanket he’d wrapped himself up in earlier that morning. Nuzzling into the cinnamon and sugar and dust woven in the thick wool a comfort he couldn’t resist. 

Liam laughed, glanced at the landscape once more before turning and ruffling the shaggy hair on Louis’ head, a quick smile in Niall’s direction. “I guess I’ll be going on my own then. Be good. Stay inside and i’ll be back in an hour, two tops.” 

Niall listened to Liam preparing to leave, the _tic tic_ as he zipped his jacket up, the tightening of the laces in his boots, the metallic clink of his keys and the door closing behind him. The engine took three starts before it finally turned over, something Liam would probably want his help to look at when he got back. 

The snow kept falling, the fire crackling where the wood had shifted, burning right through, cutting the last of the big logs into half. It sent Louis skittering from his space, nose pressed up to the window, tail a soft swish on the floor. His blue eyes focused on the red lights from Liam’s truck dipping around the bend in the road, fading out of sight. He got up and added another log to the fire, if he didn’t no one else would. Louis wouldn’t move again until he could see Liam coming back.

 

^.^

 

If Niall kept still, he could imagine it was two weeks ago. Three. If he kept silent and didn’t move, didn’t breathe more than he had to he could pretend it was different. That he wasn’t alone in his bed. That there was another’s body pressed against his, ankle to ankle, hip to hip. His arm a dead weight atop Niall’s chest, his cheek pressed close to Niall’s shoulder, hair tickling Niall’s chin. 

Then Liam would yawn or Louis would whine from somewhere below and Niall would remember. He’d breathe again and turn to find only cold sheets, a pillow that smelled more like dust than the honey it had before. 

Niall liked to sleep. In dreams his life was different. Happier. Content as it once was. 

Then of course, came the nightmares. Niall didn’t like those at all. 

 

^.^

 

He stretched his legs and pushed further. The forest thickening the deeper in he got. There was something calling him, something just out of reach. A sound that kept urging him on. He ran and he ran, chilled to the bone until he was numb from it. Still it kept calling, this _thing_ that made his teeth ache, had him near drooling, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth. Bite. Bite it said. 

A sharp voice echoed in the wind, had Niall’s feet glued to the spot. His body strained against it, wanting to move, go, go, go. The voice came again, closer, forcing Niall to the ground with a whimper, ice in his nose.

 

^.^

 

“Niall.”

Niall closed his eyes at Liam’s voice. Pretended he couldn't hear the underlying pity in just one word. Wrapped his arms closer around his body, staring back out the window to a house he couldn't actually see but felt calling like a beacon. 

“Do we need to talk-”

“We don’t. I know, okay? I know.” Niall shut Liam down with quick words, no heat behind them but final all the same.

Liam sighed and Niall could hear him run his fingers through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. Liam was annoyed and Niall knew it. Couldn't stop being a shit though, not about this. Not this.

“He just needs time, yeah? Give him that. It has to be his choice.”

Niall knew all of this. Knew it and accepted it long ago. It was different now, though. Knowing the rules, understanding them was one thing. Having to put them in place was another. Not when his whole body ached for another, when his blood sang with want, his teeth needing to bite and tear and _own_.

Louis’ call from the kitchen broke the silence, so did another sigh of frustration from Liam as he left the room, Niall's eyes not leaving the forest. If Niall was quiet enough, pushed back the murmurings from the kitchen, the chicken sizzling in the pan, the little family of mice in the cellar, he could hear it. One word, one sound like the echoing beat of his own heart. 

Harry.

 

^.^

They’d been curled up on Harry’s sofa, Niall feeling secure enough to lie down with his head on Harry’s lap. Harry’s fingers carding through his hair in an almost hypnotic manner. Safe. Warm. Niall even had his eyes closed, not looking for signs of danger. Not listening out for anything other than the steady rhythm of Harry’s breaths in and out.

“I think I love you, you know?” Harry had whispered, almost as if he wasn’t sure he wanted Niall to hear at all.

Niall froze, didn’t know how to answer.

“Just. . . “ Harry lead off, fingertips stilled at the crown of Niall’s hair. “Thought you should know,” Harry added after he’d taken five breaths, then five more. 

“Okay then,” was all Niall could get out, chest tight, throat even tighter. His mind racing a mile a minute because how could he? How could he love someone like Niall when he didn’t even know Niall at all?

Not the important part. The part that mattered more to Niall than anything else.

“Okay,” Harry echoed, playing with Niall’s hair once more. “Okay.”

Niall hadn’t gone home the next morning after leaving Harry’s. 

He didn’t leave the forest for three weeks. Wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Harry though, Harry would always pull him back.

 

^.^

 

Niall hated the snow. Well, didn’t _hate_ it per se, just the fact he couldn’t get outside with how high it was at the sides of the house now. Louis had nipped at his heels after he’d near worn a path in the rug in the living room. He couldn’t stop pacing was the thing. There was an itch under his skin that couldn’t be sated with being indoors. He needed out. He needed crisp air in his lungs, a sharp bite in his nose. He needed the crunch of ice and snow underfoot, his fur wet with it. 

Two weeks of being stuck indoors and he was ready to jump out the attic window. Anything to be free of four walls and the same smells that at one time would be comfort and safe and home. Not now though. Now he craved spice and sweetness and something dark, something thick and rich on his tongue. 

It was for that reason alone he didn’t test the distance from his window to the snow packed below. 

It was for that reason he didn’t curl up with Liam and Louis by the fire at night, Liam wrapped around Louis, tails intertwined. It was why he chose to sit on his bed and watch the moon rise alone. 

 

^.^

 

They’d met first. Before Louis in the forest, tackling him to the ground and nipping at his ear, butting his head into Niall’s flank, an invitation to play. Before Liam with his quiet voice and his shy smile as he bought Niall a pint and plate of fries. Before pack and family was Harry.

Harry and his bright green eyes that reminded Niall of the forests back home. Harry and his ridiculous mop of chocolate curls that seemed to never want to be tamed by a scarf or headband, tendrils escaping at every possible chance. Harry and his bark of a laugh that Niall couldn’t help but imagine in a different setting, from a more canine mouth. 

Harry was the one that offered the first friendly smile in a town that didn’t offer that many to strangers. Not ones like Niall who didn’t have a story to tell. . . or did, but didn’t offer it. Harry with his “my parents have a cabin you could use, and the Winstons are always looking for people at the mill.” Harry and his dropping by with home-cooked meals and his dimpled grin and his way of making Niall feel at ease. Centering him in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while.

It wasn’t entirely because of Harry that Niall stopped running, stopped looking for a place he couldn’t name, a feeling he couldn’t label.

It wasn’t entirely Harry, but it wasn’t not either.

 

^.^

 

“It’s not like I haven’t heard of it before, Niall.” 

There was a barely noticeable shake to his tone, but Niall heard it all the same, his tail swinging slow, left to right. He was scared, Niall could smell it. Yet there was something else there, something that was keeping Harry still. Keeping Harry talking. It’s why Niall hadn’t left.

“There’s stories, yeah? Always stories about wolves and packs and things and I thought maybe. . . That time you knew about the fire at the Corden’s place before anyone else, how close you are to Liam and Lou, the way you’re all so touchy, in each other's spaces. How,” he paused and Niall could hear him swallow, see his fingertips twitch below the cuff of his black jacket. “How you near tore that guy's head off at the bar last week.”

Niall growled, couldn’t help himself, really. He didn’t like the way the man had looked at Harry. Had kept _touching_ him at the bar when Niall was waiting at the booth for Harry to come back with their drinks. Wouldn’t take Harry’s kind brush offs for what they were. Harry could have handled it on his own. Niall probably wouldn’t have done anything if he and Harry hadn’t talked about trying to be together proper a few nights before. He’d gone too far, he knew that. Showed too much of what he was really like, when the fine hair on his arms was replaced by fur. 

Harry’d thought Niall punching the guy a few times was bad.

He didn’t know that Niall had followed him back to his car, waited for him to park out in the woods by the lake. Taken him apart piece by piece, hidden the body in a ravine so deep that no one would find him until well into spring, maybe summer if winter would be as cold as they’re predicting. It’s not like anyone around here would miss him. His license was from South Carolina. The boy was a long, _long_ way from home. 

Liam hadn’t said anything when Niall came back, tail between his legs, deep red and pink hues staining his once white fur. He didn’t say anything, but that was probably worse. He did let Niall sleep with him and Louis that night, wrapped up tight on either side by the people that had chose Niall to be part of their family. Pack. 

He probably wouldn’t like that Niall was here now, laying all his cards on the table. No secrets would be left between him and Harry now.

“I know it’s still you in there, okay? I know it’s you and I mean it’s a little weird, but even more so that it’s not. Like,” he took a step closer and Niall found himself dropping lower to the ground, hackles rising even as a whimper left his mouth. 

Harry licked at his lips, dropping down to his knees a few feet from where Niall was lying, his hand reaching out. “Your eyes, your eyes are the same and it’s like I can still see you in them. The you I know, the you I’m in-”

He stopped and smiled and even though it was shaky Niall could hear the love in his tone. It was more than Niall could ever imagine would happen. More than he thought he could ever ask for. 

Harry took in this deep shuddering breath, sitting still with his palm outstretched, like Niall had seen him do with puppies on the street, with dogs he didn’t know. Giving them that option to smell, to scent for safety. 

It took a while. At least a dozen or more heart beats for Niall to crawl forward, Harry blinking slow as Niall whined deep in his throat. He knew it was Harry. Knew down deep that Harry wouldn’t hurt him. He hadn’t yet at least. Another dozen and he bumped the wet of his nose against Harry’s palm. Another half again and he rolled so his head was under it. Two more and Harry’s fingers curled into the thick fur there, his laugh, nervous and light as Niall pressed up into his touch again, an order not to stop. 

“It’s still you. It’ll always be you.”

 

^.^

 

He found himself at Liam and Louis’ door late one night - or early morning as it were - whining soft, head low as he crept toward their bed, which was nothing more than a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor. It wasn’t often Niall went about the house in wolf form. He wasn’t Louis. He liked walking on two legs, thinking with his human head, feeling with his own heart.

Liam huffed, shuffling Louis a little to make room. He’d always done that, right from the start. Niall hesitated, pressed his paw gently to the soft grey blanket that had been Louis’ from home, the home he and Liam had grown up in. Fallen in love in until they decided to leave and make a family of their own. Niall still wasn’t sure why they decided to keep him. Why they offered him more than just a place to rest, a pack to run with when the wolf inside demanded to be let out. 

He knew that they loved him, wanted him to be here, needed him close. Louis yipped and it was that familiar sound, that eye roll he knew Louis would be making if he was in human form - not that he was often - that had Niall climbing in. He turned in a circle once one way, and twice the other before Liam’s soft snort had him lying down. Louis nuzzled under Niall’s neck, Liam’s tail swished heavy over his back paw. Touching, always touching they were. Harry wasn’t wrong.

Tomorrow he’d tell them that he wanted Harry to be his. To be theirs. Wanted to offer him more than just his heart. Wanted to be Harry’s. Wanted Harry for his own. 

Tomorrow. 

 

^.^

 

He could hear Liam at his heels and Louis not far behind. He could hear them barking playfully, three weeks of being snowed in and finally being free having them all more reckless than usual.

It was probably why Liam didn’t realise where Niall was leading them. Didn’t stop Niall with a sharp bark or pin him to the ground. 

It wasn’t as if Niall really knew what he was doing. Not that he paid attention to where he was going, just happy to be out in the air and the sun and the wind whistling past his ears. His breathing coming in loud pants as he ran and ran, ducking past trunks and jumping over roots. One minute, he could hear Louis and Liam scuffling behind him, Louis with the upper hand that he only has when Liam lets him. The sounds coming from them both becoming all too familiar as they yapped and tussled, concentrating on what felt _good._

Maybe that was why he found himself treading a familiar path. Why he didn’t stop when he spotted Harry at the woodpile, wiping at his brow with one hand, axe buried deep in the stump in front of him. Maybe it was why he found himself tackling Harry to the melting snow, why he didn’t differentiate between surprised and scared when he pinned Harry to the ground. Why he mistook Harry saying his name as anything other than familiar and welcoming. Didn't stop when Harry asked. 

He dug his nails in deeper when Harry shifted beneath him. Nipped at Harry’s shoulder drawing blood, just to keep him still, keep him. Keep Harry for his own.

It was only Harry’s scream that alerted Liam to what Niall had done. Only Louis and Liam both dragging Niall away that had the red haze from his eyes clearing. Had him bolting deep into the forest, far from the tracks they knew and used, deeper than he’d ever gone before. 

The moon rose and set three times before he fell to the forest floor, unable to run anymore. 

He dreamed in red and screams of pain and his name said over and over. 

He’d wake, and run some more.

 

^.^

 

“You haven’t been sleeping properly,” Harry said, sleepy slow. He was curled up in Niall’s arms in Niall’s bed. Niall could hear Louis snort from outside where he and Liam were headed out in the truck. Always listening in on anything Harry and Niall were saying or doing. Always sticking his nose in when Niall didn't exactly want it. 

Louis knew how Niall felt about Harry, had formed a friendship of sorts with Harry before Niall had even come along. He was the one to push Niall into seeking Harry out. To take Harry up on his offers of dinner, to let Harry see the side of Niall that Louis and Liam loved. The soft, open smiles, the laugh that could light up a room with its mirth. The bits of Niall that he kept locked away from most. 

Liam slammed the truck door, shushing Louis as if Harry’s ears could pick it up. Hear the ridicule in a sound alone.

Louis knew what thoughts had been running through Niall’s head. How he wanted to keep Harry, make Harry pack. How Liam still had to make a decision on exactly what that meant for them all, letting Harry know more than what they were. 

Liam’s hesitation wasn’t what kept Niall up at night. 

“Been sleeping fine,” Niall answered, pressing his teeth to Harry’s shoulder. “You offering to wear me out?” Niall asked with a smirk, rolling on top of Harry and mouthing at the long line of his throat as his head tipped back, a soft moan falling from his lips. Niall’s teeth grazed pale skin, leaving the lightest of marks. He couldn’t help but wonder how hard he’d have to press to break it, to taste Harry’s blood in his mouth. 

He pulled back a little at the sound Harry was making. Remembered what he promised Liam. Harry’s choice, when and if the time came.

“Always, always up for that,” Harry’s voice had deepened, legs spread wide so Niall could fit between them, rut his hips up so their cocks aligned. 

They shifted and moved against each other, Harry’s moans and whimpers echoed through Niall’s head as he licked them from Harry's’ mouth. Harry’s hand was big, always felt so much bigger as he slipped it between them. Spit slick as he wrapped his long fingers around them both. Niall cursed as he tried to find a rhythm that would get them both off. He became lost in the feel of it all, Harry's’ breathing loud in his ears, the sheets cutting into his fingertips as he dug in hard, needing leveraidge to fuck into Harry’s tight hold. He didn’t realise how hard he was mouthing at the juncture of Harry’s shoulder and neck until Harry was whining, pinching at Niall’s side, asking him to stop. 

“Niall, no, please,” he begged and Niall stopped. Pulled back immediately and kissed Harry instead. Kissed him hard enough that he cut his own lip. Had to make do with it being his own blood, not Harry’s that flowed over his tongue.

He’d tell him. He’d tell him and ask him tonight.

 

^.^

 

In the end it was Harry that found him. Somewhere deep in the mountains, between the American and Canadian border. 

Niall hadn't seen a human in months. A wolf in just as long.

It was probably why he growled at Harry when he approached, hackles raised at the sight of the shaggy brown wolf before him. He bared his teeth and Harry dropped to the ground, belly up and whined, calling Niall over. 

Niall’s head cocked to the side, not completely understanding what was going on. He knew those smells though. Those out of place honey and cinnamon spices, something else that felt like words he hadn’t thought of in a long while.

Louis and Liam and pack and home. 

Harry whined again and Niall ambled closer, close enough to see his eyes. Still green as the trees that surrounded them. Still who Niall knows.

They ran together for a while. Harry never getting too close, Niall never letting Harry completely out of his sight. He knew. . . somewhere he knew that this was _his_ Harry. That if Harry’d come this far, he couldn't hate Niall as much as Niall hated himself. 

It took another three weeks for Niall to shift back onto two legs, a day after for Harry to find his human form.

“It gets easier,” Niall said, voice rough from not having had to use it in so long. 

Harry looked at him, blinking slow as he smiled. “I hope it does.”

 

^.^

 

Harry forgave easily. Much easier than Niall would have ever expected, ever thought he was worth. Liam took longer and Louis still had his days when he ignored Niall,pushed him out of the pile of blankets where they all occasionally slept and cuddled up behind Harry, leaving Niall with the floor. 

It did get better, though. Harry’s unending love and acceptance helped that. Niall never really stopped apologising, actions speaking just as often as words.

The one thing that never changed was how much Harry was his and he was Harry’s.

They ran, all four together, while the moon shone bright above.

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of have this idea that Louis loves to be in his wolf form more than anything else. That he and Liam grew up together, fell in love and left their family packs to make one of their own. I'd think that they wouldn't be all that far from their families because Liam would need help when Niall asked about adding Harry to their family. Someone outside of who knows who they are. I'm fairly sure in this universe people are aware of werewolves, but it's sort of unseen and not acknowledged for the most part. 
> 
> ANYHOO, if you've any further questions or just want to ramble at me:
> 
> [I'm on TUMBLR](http://www.slightlytotheleft.tumblr.com)
> 
> Xx


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